It Has Always Been You.

I remember the first time I saw you. Something in my heart leapt yet I wouldn’t fully understand why until months later when my entire world changed. Just two new nurses, trying to cope and make it through life in the ICU. Then, Covid hit. Bonding in our unit went to a different level that neither of us had ever experienced, and probably will never experience again. We all were friends in our unit, but throughout this crisis, we became one with each other just trying to survive, and cope with the many, many deaths that unfolded.

My marriage was already on the rocks, and I never had the courage to walk away. Now, after facing a Pandemic, while working in the ICU, courage was second nature to me. I wouldn’t have survived this pandemic without it. So, after years of wanting to leave, I finally walked away from a toxic, narcissistic relationship.

Then, there was you. Still not understanding the depth of what was to develop between us. I just knew, with you, I felt safe. I looked forward to seeing you at shift change everyday, and even more so if we got to receive report from one another.

Months went by, neither of us realizing that we would end up together. Ending up in the sweetest of love stories.

Divorce come and went. I was finally free. And then, there was you.

Friends into lovers. Our love felt like we had been together forever. It came easy. Like sitting on the porch, listening to the rain on a summer afternoon. It was calming, soothing and beautiful.

Love grew ever so quickly. Faster than I anticipated, but welcomed all the more. That is what makes us so incredible. Loving you came easy. Loving you was like breathing.

Just two broken souls, on this earth, waiting for the right time to meet.

It was always you. It was always you that my heart longed for. My heart beat was in sync with yours. We just were.

Love turned into adventure. We traveled near and far, and experienced things I always longed for, but never knew I would get to experience.

Life threw us some curve balls. We both lost someone we thought we couldn’t live without. God knew we were going to need each other’s support through these times, and I am so glad we followed our hearts in the beginning and said yes to love.

Adventure come to a halt recently. We left travel nursing, to be home for known reasons. We had our dream wedding and united our souls and love before God, family and friends.

Life has been very hard since then. We were so used to experiencing the unknown for most of our relationship, and now, we are doing a day-to-day routine, and it has been tough.

We are learning a new territory of our life. But I want you to know, it was always you for me, and even in the day to day mundane of this new life for us. I still choose you. I still want you here, with me. I want to experience the mundane with you.

Our life is far from the normal. But that is what makes us, us.

When you are not with me physically, you are always still, in my heart.

Happy Birthday to the love of my life. May this new year be filled with happiness and contentment. May we learn to enjoy each new day, even if mundane, as it comes. But may we always look forward to the future. Let’s make new plans, new memories, new hobbies, and enjoy our old hobbies once again.

May we laugh and cry together this year. Enjoy the quietness of life when it comes, but also the chaos that we experience often too.

As we enter into this new phase of us, let us not forget that our marriage is priority. Let’s date, laugh, cry, talk, build, and love deeper this year. Let us open up to each other more.

I look forward to this new year. As this year unfolds, let us remember that challenges make us stronger. That is what I look forward to this year. Becoming stronger, with you. Here’s to our first year as a married couple. Learning a new territory of our relationship.

It’s has always been you. My heart is home with you.